50 Things to Know About Overcoming Shyness:

Discover The Reasons Behind Your Shyness

  1. Think about the reasons why you are shy. 

In spite of the fact that you may be shy, it doesn’t mean that you are self-centered or that you’re introverted or that you don’t know who you are. Simply put, it means that you are embarrassed when you are the center of attention for some reason. Therefore, you should consider the reasons for your embarrassment. Usually, shyness is a symptom of a much larger problem (more on that in the next section). 

  1. Acknowledge that you are shy. 

Whenever you are trying to overcome something, the first thing you need to do is accept it and learn how to adjust to it. This is also true when it comes to shyness. In order to be able to overcome something, you have to learn to accept it before you can be able to overcome it. Nevertheless, if you’re constantly fighting against it- whether consciously or unconsciously- it will be much more difficult to overcome in the future. It is important for you to remember that if you are having difficulty with this, simply repeat to yourself, “Yes, I am shy. I accept that.” 

  1. Find out what triggers you. 

It is likely that, if you are like me, you will not always feel anxious and shy in all situations. If you were to be given the task of presenting a presentation in front of a room full of strangers, you might experience stage fright. Would you feel shy if you were asked to give the same presentation to your close friends and family- that would likely not trigger any nervousness, right? When you feel shyness starting to come on, try to think about the thoughts that are running through your head. 

  1. Make a list of the situations which make you shy. 

I suggest that you start writing down all of the situations that cause you to feel anxious and shy and use a notebook and a pen to do so. You should rank them from least (those that cause the least anxiety) to greatest (those that cause the most anxiety). Make sure that you’re as specific as you possibly can so that you can come up with a plan to get you over your shyness and facing them head on. If you are going to list “talking in front of people”- please specify what kind of people you are talking to. 

  1. Take control of your list. 

After you have made your list, start facing each situation head-on and getting over your shyness as soon as you can. The best way to build up your confidence is to start with those that cause you the least amount of anxiety so that you can then move on to the more stressful ones. There may be times when you take two steps forward and one step back during this process – do not worry about it! You don’t need to hurry to the finish line – remember that slow and steady wins the race. It is very important that you take this at your own pace and not get too upset with yourself if you do experience any setbacks. It is important to remember, however, that you cannot just sit back and wait for it to happen- you have to put in effort as well. 

What Are the Causes of Shyness? 

  1. There is a problem with your self-image.

You will have a weak self-image if you evaluate yourself and the voice in your head has a negative tone. Stopping listening to the voice in your head will be a challenge. Nevertheless, you must not forget that at the end of the day, that voice in your head is yours, so you have control over what it says. 

  1. Compliments are not something you believe.

If people do pay you a compliment, you may have a hard time believing them. It is important to understand that even if you don’t think you look good, obviously they think you look good. Even if they said so, would you really call them liars if they told you so? The first thing you should do when someone pays you a compliment is to simply accept it and say “thank you.” Do not try to explain it away in any way. 

  1. You are concerned about what other people think about you.

You should not worry about what others think of you. It doesn’t matter who you are, it doesn’t matter what they think of you. There is a truth to the statement that not everyone will love you- and that is okay. 

  1. You’re worried about how you’re going to come across.

There is a danger of becoming preoccupied with the way you come across when you put too much focus and importance on yourself. It is likely that everyone else is doing the same, as well, since you spend all day examining what you’re doing and why. It is important for you to learn how to take the focus away from yourself and put it on others if you do this. 

  1. People have called you shy in the past.

In many cases, we are often shy when we are children. At the end of the day, we are all just learning how to get out there and meet people. It is still true, though, that even if you grow out of it, people tend to treat you as if you are still shy. In my opinion, it’s quite possible that you’re simply trying to be who others say you are in order to please them. What do you think? That is not what you should do! The only thing you really need to do is to be yourself. 

Taking Control of Your Mind

  1. You can use your shyness to your advantage by using it as a cue.

It doesn’t matter what your triggers are, it’s because you consider it to be one. If you think back to your childhood, you will see how you were programmed to respond to specific stimuli as a child. Children are taught, for example, to avoid strangers, heights, and dangerous animals as they are growing up. As a consequence, it is likely that when you encounter these things as an adult, there will be a tendency towards shyness. However, you can reprogramme yourself in order to prevent this from happening. 

  1. Be aware of what others are doing. 

It is quite common for many of us to be shy when it comes to speaking up or standing out from the crowd because we are afraid of embarrassment. Because of this, it is very important to learn how to get the focus off of ourselves and on to others in order to overcome our shyness. If you do that, you are less likely to worry about how you’re coming across. 

  1. It is important to think like you would like others to think. 

Your focus is inward, and you are concerned about what others think about you because you believe that they are outwardly focused. It is very likely that they are not- they are probably just as inwardly focused as you are. In other words, you need to retrain yourself to think how you think others think. As a result, it will become second nature to you. 

  1. Maintain a good posture at all times. 

Standing tall gives the impression that you are self-confident and that you are open to others. If you stand tall, you make an impression that you are open to others. When it comes to people, they will probably treat you the way you feel. If you feel like you’re open and approachable, your body language will reflect that. Additionally, standing tall will fool your brain into believing that you have confidence in yourself, and you will feel less stressed and anxious as a result. 

  1. Speak clearly as much as you can. 

By learning how to speak clearly rather than saying the same thing over and over again, you avoid having to deal with the embarrassment of having to repeat what you said. To learn how to speak clearly, you must love the sound of your own voice. This can be achieved by recording yourself as you have conversations. You will have no problem seeing patterns in your speech when you do this, although it may seem strange to you at first. Initially, you may feel like you are an actor- and you may need to use some of the techniques actors use to get themselves in the moment- but eventually, it will become second nature to you. 

  1. You should not compare yourself with others. 

If you compare yourself to others, you’ll start feeling like you’ll never measure up to their standards, and this will trigger feelings of fear and nervousness, which will trigger feelings of shyness. Make sure you do not compare yourself to others – everyone is different. Conversely, if you must compare yourself to others, you must also understand that everyone struggles with self-confidence in the same way you do. Ask a confident friend or family member about their challenges with self-confidence- they’ll likely tell you “Yes, I had those issues- here’s how I dealt with them.”. 

  1. Take time to remind yourself how wonderful you are.

Since everyone differs and, as a result, everyone has a different set of gifts to offer the world, as we’ve mentioned. Consider what you can accomplish and what you have accomplished rather than worrying about what you look like, how you sound, or how you dress. The truth is that everybody has something that they don’t like about themselves, even those who society considers to be “beautiful”. Don’t let what you see as a problem make you feel shy.

  1. Find out what your value is and what your strengths are. 

As you have read in the preceding paragraph, everyone is different and has their own unique gift to bring to the world. No matter how quiet you are in the room and how poorly you know how to start a party, just because you are not the loudest person in the room does not mean that you are not important in social situations. As you think about your social circles, it is important to keep in mind that all the roles are necessary to be filled- you need a leader, you need a listener, you need someone that is organized, and much more. In spite of the fact that you may be good at anything, you do contribute to the overall dynamic of the group. 

  1. Pay no attention to labels. 

There is no guarantee that a person is happy just because they are popular. A person’s being shy does not imply that they are an introvert or that they are unhappy or that they are cold. A person being an extrovert does not mean that they are happy and popular .Don’t put labels on them because you don’t want people to put labels on you.There is no need to worry about labels people will put on you – just be who you are because all phases of your life will end – high school will end, college will end, your career will end … you do not want to try to be something you areant to try to be something you’re not to please others. 

  1. Visualize yourself as a successful individual. 

You can do visualization exercises by simply sitting back and closing your eyes. Try imagining a situation in your life that triggers your shyness. Rather than seeing yourself as a shy person, it might be a good idea to think of yourself as a confident, self-assured individual. Visualize various situations that you will face during your daily routine. The next time you are in a situation where you feel a bit silly, know that this is another tool that you can use to overcome your shyness. You will become a self-fulfilling prophecy when you see yourself as being confident in any situation. 

The ability to handle social situations in a successful manner

  1. Collect all the information that is necessary. 

Whenever you are invited to a party, do your best to learn about some recent topics that have been in the news, or perhaps the latest television show. By doing this, in the event that the topic of that conversation happens to come up, you will be able to discuss it. There is no need to be a know-it-all, but rather to show that you know enough to be able to converse about it. 

  1. It is important to understand that conversations take place in stages. 

Getting over shyness can be easy if you know that social interaction can be simplified. This is a great way to overcome shyness. As soon as you realize this, you will be able to converse on autopilot, which will result in much less anxiety and stress. Conversations can be divided into four stages: Stage One is the beginning; Stage Two is the introduction; Stage Three is securing common ground; Stage Four is the closing.

  1. Become a good conversation starter. 

It is important to think of your accomplishments and use them as a starting point for conversation. Think of something you have in common with the other person and make a comment based on that. Don’t give short answers to questions regarding where you live- if someone asks you where you live, don’t simply respond with your street name, mention a landmark nearby instead. By doing so, you will likely continue the conversation. 

  1. Make sure you warm up before you start. 

It is common to have the same conversation over and over again when you attend a party. The first thing you should do to create the introductory part of a conversation is to exchange pleasantries with as many people as possible. Try to keep your conversations short, just a few minutes at the most. Generally speaking, a two minute conversation is much easier to handle when you are trying to overcome shyness than a twenty minute one, isn’t it? There will be time later, when you will be able to go back and have meaningful conversations with those who you really enjoyed meeting. 

  1. Make sure you are approachable. 

Be sure to convey an open, friendly attitude through your body language. Make sure that you don’t cross your arms and keep your head and hands up. It’s not surprising that people won’t approach you if you’re playing a game or texting on your cell phone if you’re sitting or standing around doing it. They don’t want to interrupt you. Consider what type of person you would want to approach if you had the opportunity to do so. What is your body language saying today? Would you like someone to approach you based on your current body language? 

  1. Always smile and make eye contact with others. 

What do you think about the fact that when you smile at a stranger, you brighten both of your days as well as theirs when you do so? A friendly gesture like this is a nice way to show a little appreciation for another and is also a good way to start a conversation with anyone. If you smile at someone, you can show that you are friendly and interested in getting to know them. At the end of the day, everyone will be pleased to see affirmation and interaction with their peers- whether they are shy or not. 

  1. Take care of your body by paying attention to it. 

As a shy person, it can sometimes be very easy to get caught up in those thoughts when you’re interacting with others and you’re typically shy. The next time you find yourself experiencing these feelings, ask yourself these questions: 1) How am I breathing? When you notice your breathing slowing down, you will automatically begin to relax. 2) Am I comfortable and relaxed enough right now? If you are not, please adjust your position so that you are. 3)I think this goes along with Number 25: Be Approachable., Be Approachable. If you open up your body language, others will be able to see you as part of the group and not just as a bystander. 

Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself 

  1. Decide on what you want to achieve in your life. 

There are a number of steps that you need to take in order to overcome your shyness. You cannot just tell yourself, “I will stop being so shy.”. There must be a number of specific steps and daily tasks that you need to follow. In the beginning, start with those that make you feel least anxious, and as you gain more confidence, move on to those that really make you feel quite anxious and shy. You need to take baby steps – do not jump right into the most intimidating situation you can think of (unless you’re sure you can handle it). 

  1. Know what your comfort zone is. 

Take a moment to think about where you are comfortable and stay there. Even though going to a nightclub with your friends may not be something you’d be interested in, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re shy- it may just mean that you’re not the kind of person who fits into that environment. There is no way that you will be able to overcome your shyness if you put yourself into situations that you cannot stand being in. Remember that just because “everyone else is” doesn’t mean that you have to be the same, you are your own person, you shouldn’t conform to what everyone else is doing. 

  1. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in uncomfortable situations. 

In spite of the fact that you want to stay out of situations that you are genuinely unable to stand being in- that does not mean that you have to stay in places that you are comfortable in. In order to overcome your shyness you will need to put yourself out there and get into those uncomfortable situations you are afraid of. Engage in conversations with the people you come into contact with as often as you can- the opportunity to do so abounds. 

  1. Get to know a new person every day. 

Sometimes, it is much easier to talk with a stranger- at least for a few moments- than with a close friend. It does not matter what they think of you since you are not likely to see them again so it does not really matter what they think of you, right? When you do this more often, you will be surprised to find that people are actually friendly and receptive to you.

  1. Don’t be afraid to show your face. 

Talk to someone who you would normally not talk to, someone who is different from you. Ask around for people who have similar interests to yourself. Joining one or two of those groups will allow you to get to know more people in your local community. You may also be able to find groups in your area that share the same interests as you. It is imperative that you become involved if you are going to grow as a person. The more involved you are, the easier it will get over time. 

  1. Keeping a Progress Log is very important.

Where did you write down your list of shyness triggers? Do you remember where you wrote it down? What accomplishments have you made in your life to date? I think it is important to realize that when you see the progress you are making, it gives you the motivation to continue on. If you are able to overcome your shyness, you will find that you truly do have control over it- which will prove that you are capable of doing so!

  1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. 

It is impossible to put a date on when you will be able to overcome your shyness. During the course of a week, you may go from being shy to being outgoing. On the other hand, it may take you six months or even longer. The important thing is to stay calm and know that it will take whatever time it takes – don’t compare yourself to others, just keep on believing that you will get there and you will. 

  1. As the saying goes, “Fake it until you make it.”

Make this your motto, it’s a great one for you! The only thing you have to do is pretend that you’re confident and self-assured, and you’ll realize that very soon it won’t be just an act – it will be a reality. You should not push yourself too hard, but rather ease into the situations that make you feel anxious at a comfortable pace. 

  1. Don’t be afraid to say “yes”. 

Don’t be afraid to say “yes” more often to yourself. You are probably going to find it difficult at the beginning, but you should start with small steps. If you meet someone new, say hello to them. Start doing the kinds of things you don’t usually do very often – you will find that there are plenty of opportunities for you to do that. In addition, you’ll gain confidence as a result of doing it. 

  1. If you think you are not qualified, don’t think you are. 

Do you remember the times when you met someone only to have them explain to you why they’re so great? Is it good to mention how great their job is, or the fact that they are married to the person of their dreams, or how much they paid for their outfit then it does not make for a good impression. It’s quite likely that you feel it’s your duty to do this when you are in a situation that causes you to feel shy. When people ask you about a particular aspect of your life, give a simple explanation and do not go into too much detail. 

  1. Do not be afraid to ask questions. 

There are a lot of people who love talking about themselves, as you are probably aware of. Thus, one of the best ways to overcome your shyness is to get to know people by asking them questions that will enable them to talk about themselves and their lives. It is important that when you ask somebody a question you listen carefully to their answer and ask follow-up questions as appropriate. 

  1. Don’t call yourself shy anymore. 

It is a well-known fact that the more you call yourself shy, the more shyness you will experience. If you want to focus on how shy you are, instead of talking about your shyness, try rephrasing your thoughts with some positive affirmations. The more confident you tell yourself that you are, the more confident you will become – it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

  1. Don’t hold on to the past. 

There is no doubt that you have been hurt in the past – we all have. This is not at all a reason to clam up and avoid interacting with other people. This is not the time to live in the past. Let the past go. 

  1. You should seek out role models who are good at what they do. 

I believe that we all need someone to look up to, don’t we? Let me give you an example of someone in your life that isn’t afraid to speak their mind. I would encourage you to ask this person for help in overcoming your shyness. It is likely that they would be more than willing to help. 

  1. Breathe deeply for a few minutes. 

You can calm yourself down by taking a few deep breaths when you find yourself in a situation where your feelings of shyness are creeping up on you. Look in the mirror in a bathroom if possible and if there is no crowd around. You might want to give yourself some encouragement. “I am confident and self-assured. I am not shy. I am able to do this.” . 

  1. Have faith in your abilities and in yourself. 

It has been said before that everyone has different talents and abilities. Taking a moment to think about what you are truly good at, what are the things that you do well in your life? It is something that cannot be taken away from you- keep that in mind. Make sure you believe that you are good at these things and you will soon notice an increase in your self-confidence. 

  1. Do Not Keep Your Shyness a Secret. 

Obviously, this can be both good and bad at the same time. It can be especially difficult for you to shake a label that you may never be able to get rid of if you let people know you’re shy. In contrast, if you admit to people that you are timid, you let them know that you are not aloof or cold, simply that you aren’t fully confident in all situations. In turn, you will be more understood by others. 

  1. Give yourself a reward. 

Remember to track your progress when you start trying to overcome your shyness, and give yourself rewards when you succeed! In other words, when I say reward yourself, I really mean reward yourself- whether you give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done, or you go and buy yourself a treat. Be sure not to overlook any accomplishment, no matter how small. 

There are a number of exercises you can do in order to overcome shyness

  1. Bring out your inner Albert Ellis. 

As long as there is lots of traffic where you sit, try to strike up a conversation with strangers passing by you. This can be done almost anywhere. You’re not bon you’re just saying hello and exchanging pleasant.Pay attention to how you express yourself verbally aIt is important that you maintain a good posture, that you make eye contact with your audience, that you do not seem distant or – don’t sit rigid or collapsed and don’t seem aloof. 

  1. You Can Get Rid of Your Shyness By Role-Playing. 

If you have a tendency to be shy, and you do not want it to affect you, you can try to pretend that you are someone who possesses a strong physical presence. It is possible to channel their physicality when you’re in a situation that triggers your shyness, which, in turn, will help you remove any negatives that came up during the first exercise. 

  1. Create an alter ego of yourself. 

Make a list of three people you would like to be like if you had the chance. Psychologists developed this particular exercise, but it seems to be more of a performance thing. If you were to do this, however, do not try to look, dress, or sound like that person. Just act like you are that person- this will help you to interact with people in a much more confident and genuine way. 

  1. Make sure you practice your grand entrance. 

Take the time to practice your entrance if you have been invited to a party or another social event. This should be done in front of a full length mirror. Make sure you stand tall when you open the door, make eye contact with yourself, and stand tall when you open the door. You should practice this at least five or ten times or until you feel more confident. Once you become more confident, you will be able to conquer anything. 

  1. Understand that shyness is an emotion and it has nothing to do with your personality. 

Most of the time, we believe that shyness is a reflection of our personalities. Although shyness may appear to be a characteristic of our personalities, it is actually just an emotion that we experience from time to time. This is something that you can easily overcome with just a little bit of time and effort on your part. 


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