It can often seem that everyone around you is able to connect with others easily and are confident in a wide variety of situations; it can leave you wondering what it is that they have that you are missing. The usual answer is charisma.
Charisma is not an easy concept to define; it is more than simply being likeable or even good looking. Being truly charismatic requires the ability to connect to people from all walks of life and engage with them concerning what matters to them. A charismatic person will leave a good impression on everyone they meet. People will happily follow a charismatic person as they believe in them and what they stand for; no matter what that actually is. People with personal charisma have spent years honing their social and emotional skills to ensure they connect on the right level with those they meet. The good news is that whilst some people seem to naturally have this ability, it is actually a skill which can be learnt.
Charismatic individuals often become important people in whichever circles they choose to move; this is because people will naturally look up to them and will remain loyal to them. In fact, every person has some element of charisma already established in their life, no matter who you are, there will be someone who looks up to you; someone who you inspire. As long as someone looks at you in a positive light they are responding to your charisma; acknowledging that you are already charismatic to some degree is the first step towards gaining a truly charismatic personality.
It may seem like charisma revolves around the ability for others to like you, in many senses this is true but this is because you make other people feel important. People who are filled with their own sense of self worth often come across as arrogant and this is because they are not respectful or even interested in other people’s opinions. A charismatic person ensures that everyone they talk to feels important and has a sense of self worth; this is why they invoke such strong responses and loyalty from others. Being charismatic means listening as much as talking and always remaining positive, no matter what you are faced with. These attitudes will show in your daily actions and others will be drawn to you, when this occurs it is common for them to be unsure why they are pulled towards you and this is charisma. An unseen force which acts directly on human nature, it can be used to inspire loyalty and lead people to a better life or future. It can also be used to brainwash or manipulate people.
This book will provide you with thirty one techniques which will help you to learn how to be charismatic, to influence people and attract people to you. The techniques will help regardless of whether you are in a group situation or a one to one scenario. The book is laid out into sections which emphasize how to build your charisma, how to deal with large groups of people and how to appear charismatic, no matter what the situation.
Looking at the official dictionary definition of charisma, it is easy to see why we struggle so hard to define this personal quality even though we can always point it out when it is present.
In many definitions, charisma is considered to be a quality handed down from the heavens. The word “charisma” comes from the Greek words for “favor” and “grace.” It is defined as a “special” quality, a “magical” quality, something magnetic that inspires loyalty, creates enthusiasm, and simply makes someone more appealing. It’s no wonder people struggle to put the essence of charisma into words when it is so ethereal and magical that it seems to be a gift from the gods.
CAN THIS MAGICAL QUALITY BE TRAINED?
But, what if you aren’t one of those people who are naturally charismatic? Does this mean you are doomed to lurk in the shadows of someone else’s spotlight forever? Thankfully, no!
In fact, research indicates that while charisma does come naturally to some people, even those who aren’t born with the ability to inspire an entire country to put a man on the moon with a single speech like John F. Kennedy can learn to be charismatic.
Experts estimate that only about half of the charisma of even the most charismatically gifted among us is innate. This is good news for the rest of us because it means charisma, like any other skill, is something we can be trained in, something time and effort can improve.
HOW TO MAKE THE LEAP FROM FORGETTABLE TO FASCINATING
You may be wondering how you can make that leap and go from shadow-lurker to spotlight-grabber, from boring to bewitching, forgettable to fascinating. The answer is easy. You simply need to understand the characteristics highly charismatic people share, learn how to use the building blocks of charisma to incorporate those characteristics into your life, and then practice them until they become part of your personality.
In this book, you are going to learn how to become a more charismatic individual by adopting the traits of charismatic people. You will learn how to:
- Portray confidence and charisma by mastering your body language.
- Establish rapport with almost anyone by using five simple techniques.
- Become a more likable person.
- Create an instant bond with anyone by becoming an active listener.
- Allow your authentic self to shine through.
I believe that if you master these five qualities – confidence, rapport-building, likability, active listening, and authenticity – then you will become a more charismatic individual that people naturally want to be around.
Summary of some of the most important tools and techniques :
1 – Charm them with inviting eyes. Use the eye-color technique to hold longer-than-usual eye contact with people.
2 – When in groups, use the one thought, one person technique to establish a connection with everyone in the group.
3 – Perfect your posture by standing up and sitting up straight because this shows you as being a confident, self-assured person.
4 – Master the handshake to make a stellar first impression.
5 – Keep an open body-posture (rather than a closed one) to come off as more approachable and inviting.
6 – When talking to people, pay attention to their body language to see how they respond, and adjust your tactics accordingly.
7 – Respect people’s personal space.
8 – Use your gestures naturally to show what you’re saying.
9 – Smile – all the way to your eyes.
10 – Seek common ground when chatting to make people feel at ease and draw them out of their shell.
11 – Use open-ended questions when starting up a conversation.
12 – If you don’t have a good question, ask for help to sneakily and subtly start up a conversation.
13 – When you find a nugget of commonality, use rapport-building language such as “I can relate…” to establish a connection.
14 – Use the person’s name in conversation at least three times to build a deeper bond with the person you’re speaking with.
15 – Use mirroring and matching to build rapport.
16 – Be a positive, upbeat person because people flock to positive energy.
17 – Remember that politeness and honesty pay off in the long run.
18 – Be confident, but not cocky.
19 – Be part of the conversation, not just the subject of it.
20 – Keep some humorous stories in mind to share to keep the conversation entertaining.
21 – Develop your wit and sense of humor by learning to accept and add onto whatever is being said (instead of defending or deflecting it).
22 – Study your favorite comedians to gain a deeper appreciation of how to turn simple, daily events into humorous anecdotes.
23 – Use active-listening techniques to make the other person feel that they are the most important person in the room, and in return they will give you the same attention.
24 – Listen with your whole body.
25 – Commiserate and empathize.
26 – Don’t try to help – just listen!
27 – Listen until the other person is done talking instead of mentally formulating your own response while they are still speaking.
28 – Clarify, paraphrase, or reflect to show the other person that you are paying attention.
29 – Learn to shut out distractions.
30 – Become a more interesting person by leading a more interesting life: Make a list of at least 10 things you have never done (but have always wished to do) and then pick one and go do it right now.
31 – Have three great stories ready to tell.
32 – Share the details of the story to transport capture your listener’s imagination.
33 – Highlight the humorous in the story.
34 – Make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic when sharing your story.
35 – Aim to become the best version of you that you can possibly be: get comfortable in your skin, fall a little in love with yourself, live your values.
Master these simple things and you will come across as a more likable, approachable, confident, and charismatic individual.